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I wasn’t the same as I was in my 20s or early 30s. The rest of the matter was settled by the monogamous sexual relationship with my husband.It wasn’t the case that he got bored of me or something. But there was a constant sense of lack. A feeling that whatever I am getting was not enough and something was missing. Something which I cannot put my finger on because I have no idea what it is.This confusion about what is lacking is pushing me more and more and it is corroding my affection towards my husband bit by bit. It’s good that my husband wasn’t a great reader of the face and he still believes that I am happy with him, which is not entirely wrong. But this sense was eating me from inside. And I have no idea what to do.Putting all these thoughts aside, I went to grab my gym back which I joined a couple of days before. I decided to tire myself physically so that I stop overthinking.This might be just my boredom which is making me doubt things. An existential crisis is something that. "She was off to the linen closet and back in a flash. I got up and spread the towel where I’d be doing my business for her. She re-settled herself in the rocking chair — feet tucked under — watching me expectantly. My nervousness was taking its toll. Whatever incipient erection I had had earlier, was gone.“Well, you gonna get undressed?”I hesitated.She added, “Nervous?”I lied, “No!”Susan looked hard at me. “Look. Why not be honest? It’s a whole lot easier.” she paused, “I know you’re nervous. I get it. If you really don’t wanna do it, we can go back outside and forget the whole thing.”I protested, “No! No, Sue. That wouldn’t be fair.”“OK then. Let’s get down to business. Think about it. You’ve already seen me come. I even let you do it. I didn’t hold anything back.”“I know.”“Didn’t you like it?”“Yeah. I did.”“So, why so shy? You’re not gonna show me anything you haven't already seen. ”“Yeah. I know. But, ...”She interrupted, “Are you embarrassed for me to see you don’t have an.
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